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A Long Time Coming

So.

K.

I don’t know how to describe this. It’s beyond having the same dreams at the same time. It’s just like nothing else in the world exists in the moment when we connect except our thoughts. Just K and I. And it’s both beautiful and beyond freaky. I hadn’t spoken to him since Christmas when I was back home, but this past weekend I had another ‘experience’ for a very lame lack of words. Where the rest of the world melted away and it was just us. But not even us physically. Just my one singular thought of me, and his one singular thought that represents him, and we met. Where there was no time or space, just us. In complete trust.

And I’ve been struggling with these experiences since they started because I’ve truly thought they could be 100% in my head and I’ve been fighting it for the sake of my sanity. I just truly didn’t want my kids to have two insane parents. And that maybe I just conjured up this whole fantasy out of pure loneliness etc. But then the next day K called. After months of not physically talking, he called.

And said he’d been thinking about me a lot. Especially the night before. And I told him I knew. And in that moment it confirmed for me that this wasn’t all in my head. This wasn’t something I had imagined. This was something real.

And in some ways that phone call from K helped ease my confusion, but in other ways it just brought more questions. Like oh my god. This is actually happening. We are actually ‘talking’ to each other without words no matter the distance.

For real, for real.

So now what?

This has been in the works for years. But what does it mean? What does it bring with it?

A lot more questions. A lot of trust.

A lot of everything.

But it happened. It’s real. And it us. And it’s amazing.

So this is just a quick post to jot some of my thoughts about it down and to just remember how I felt about it. Because sometimes to remember craziness is crazy.

The Unbirth Of Love

The fact that I am alive is proof enough that I am a God.

No one can confirm for sure how the world started.  Not when or how or at what point, which leaves it wide open for interpretation on exactly how or why we got to this place in history or the present place in the universe.

Did we come with a purpose? I believe so. Once being to discover the fact that just being here makes our journey complete. We fundamentally have made it by making ourselves. We came. We saw. We each individually have essentially conquered the obstacles of creation by mutually not only choosing to co-exist but at the same time to create the same reality we all choose to collectively perceive and view as real or life if you will.  That fact, in and of itself makes us all God, or a portion of ‘God’ or a ‘soul’ on the outside, all jointly looking in on this world we have created and living out through human existence.

Many over the course of this dynamic perception have  tried to explain this phenomenon. Some use science to get closer to the answer. Some simply trust in the unknown God/deity they choose to represent the beginning. Other pure and simple refuse to acknowledge that question at all, which leads them not searching for an answer. In fact the large majority of today’s population have been satisfied with just living that they have no desire to wonder how their life came into being in the first place. They have become complacent. The are satisfied with a big bang, or a creation, but when it comes down to it, humans are afraid to dig deeper. Since when you try to truly uncover further into the origins of not only the world, but yourself, it will leave you looking starkly at one thing and one thing only.

No matter which theory you align yourself with, we all started at the same place. All at the same time. When I say ‘we’ I don’t mean on the surface level of the life ‘we’ live as you read this. I dive deep into us as a humanity and a universal perception.

The creation of this reality had to start in A moment. Where we all collectively branched out on our own journeys to create at will. Maybe we went from one to a million in an instant big bang style. Maybe ‘we’ collectively planned our futures and our memories and agreed we would just agreed to have thoughts and memories that extended so far back to create a reality and at the count of three wake up one morning go on our way. Maybe ‘we’ split in two and then four and then eight etc, like a baby in the womb. Maybe, we did all of the above, and agreed to each carry a different version of the conception deep in our thoughts hidden in so many lifetimes. This would help us to never return to the loneliness of being one together, since we knew we would never allow our views to change once spread so vast and becoming so hardened.

But once spread out and functioning as a world as we are now, what if two or more individual humans began to think as one again on such a level that they shared this kind of information? What would it do to the origins of the entire perception of the world? It could destroy it. It could destroy the original ‘creation’ that came from thinking independently. The separation and joy and individuality that came from the creation, that allowance to have different thought processes and different opinions that would have never occurred had we all remained as one, would be wiped out. We would return to that being of oneness.

So the fact that from the source and the beginning there are differences should bring the most joy as well as enlightenment. Joy to know the source of this world had knowledge to discover it must become different in order to expand and create eventual life. And enlightenment to acknowledge that you are a byproduct of that source.

This empowering knowledge lends to the discovery that along the way our thoughts at one point in the past were connected. Before we became so focused on the perception of this tangible reality, we were all connected and intermingled not as humans, but as souls, or thoughts. So if we did it before, lived as one in a bodyless haven, why should we limit ourselves to the possibility of creating this reality or perception we see every day, and focus instead on uncreating or returning to that for our souls.

I’m not suggesting it will happen overnight, as many indiscretions have been made against each other or each soul or thought process throughout this creation process since our infinite decision long ago to part ways. It will take many conscious repairs to mend bonds that were broken along the way, but can be made easier with the knowledge that we are all the source and the beginning, and therefore we all originally had intentions of creating a reality. Did we know exactly how it would turn out? No because we gave each other the freedom to create and be individuals. But with the brokenness, we may not feel like it on the surface, but our souls are longing for healing.

We are all longing to come back home to ourselves as one. Where we all began.