I don’t know how to describe this. It’s beyond having the same dreams at the same time. It’s just like nothing else in the world exists in the moment when we connect except our thoughts. Just K and I. And it’s both beautiful and beyond freaky. I hadn’t spoken to him since Christmas when I was back home, but this past weekend I had another ‘experience’ for a very lame lack of words. Where the rest of the world melted away and it was just us. But not even us physically. Just my one singular thought of me, and his one singular thought that represents him, and we met. Where there was no time or space, just us. In complete trust.
And I’ve been struggling with these experiences since they started because I’ve truly thought they could be 100% in my head and I’ve been fighting it for the sake of my sanity. I just truly didn’t want my kids to have two insane parents. And that maybe I just conjured up this whole fantasy out of pure loneliness etc. But then the next day K called. After months of not physically talking, he called.
And said he’d been thinking about me a lot. Especially the night before. And I told him I knew. And in that moment it confirmed for me that this wasn’t all in my head. This wasn’t something I had imagined. This was something real.
And in some ways that phone call from K helped ease my confusion, but in other ways it just brought more questions. Like oh my god. This is actually happening. We are actually ‘talking’ to each other without words no matter the distance.
For real, for real.
So now what?
This has been in the works for years. But what does it mean? What does it bring with it?
A lot more questions. A lot of trust.
A lot of everything.
But it happened. It’s real. And it us. And it’s amazing.
So this is just a quick post to jot some of my thoughts about it down and to just remember how I felt about it. Because sometimes to remember craziness is crazy.